Campus Connection

To be completely honest, I had a really hard time with this article. I knew I wanted to write about lust and love, but I just didn’t know where to go from there.  I asked a number of my female friends for their thoughts on the subject and was rewarded with ardent assertions that no relationship can be satisfying without a strong sexual attraction between the two people.

But even after hearing many an anecdote and even considering my own thoughts on the issue, I felt like I had nothing interesting to say.

And then it occurred to me – perhaps, that was precisely the point! Perhaps, the most intriguing element of my informal research was the fact that my friends had no qualms about emphasizing the importance of sex to a relationship and I found that information to be absolutely and completely unexciting.

Their responses to my question and my reaction to their responses made me stop and think about when and how lust made it to the top of women’s “relationship musts” list.

So I started thinking back…

In middle school, the men of choice were Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, and the Backstreet Boys. These were clearly unrealistic choices (unless you were Katie Holmes), but this was also a time when girls were just becoming aware of the opposite sex and social lives revolved around movies, teeny bopper concerts, and TRL.

In high school, the men of choice were the popular boys, who played a sport and drove a car, or better yet, college guys. It didn’t really matter if they were unattractive, dumb, gross, obnoxious, or mentally unstable, as long as they had status.

In college, girls became somewhat more selective. This time around, the men of choice had to be ambitious and career-driven. They had to be good dressers, which could mean anything from popped collars and boat shoes to emo chic to sweater vests and khakis. Additionally, the lust factor began to play into the picture, as college was a time of rampant sexual experimentation for many. Nonetheless, any inadequacy in the art of clitoral stimulation could be easily compensated for by upscale dinners, potential for a 6-digit salary, and a solid family pedigree.

 And so we come to grad school, a stage in our lives, where apparently men of choice cannot just get away with status, money or looks, but must also bring consistent satisfaction into the bedroom.  

Why now?

Because this is really the first time that professional success becomes a tangible reality. As students studying toward JDs, MDs, PharmDs, PhDs, Nursing, and Masters Degrees, we can be fairly certain that once our education is complete, we will have a career and a steady income.

For men, this is an expected sequence of events.

For women, this, too, is an expected sequence of events, but with one unexpected turn: the right to demand good sex.

As we all know quite well, for many decades, the majority of women were limited to being homemakers or working in low-paying, part-time jobs – positions that left them financially dependent on the support of others.

Therefore, the search for a husband did not leave much room for sexual considerations – it was far more important to land a man with money and power, who could take care of the wife and future offspring, than to find one who could take her over the edge in bed.

Even today (as much as I hate to make this generalization), there are women who are brought up with the mindset that they should have a husband who provides for them, while they stay at home to raise the family or work at their leisure. And it is my belief that these women are willing to trade in the sexual aspect of their relationship for a comfortable life dependent on their husbands’ income.

In contrast, the women who are in grad school are driven by self-sufficiency. Their mindset has prompted them to pursue the highest levels of education with the ultimate goal of securing a satisfying and successful professional future that would not be dependent on anyone else.

And once the realization of personal value sets in, women see no real reason to compromise.

After all, why have to settle for a man just because he looks good on paper, when you look just as good? Why choose carats over climax, when you deserve to have both? And why be satisfied with a relationship lacking physical chemistry, when you can afford to be selective in order to find a guy who you want to bring home to your family and then proceed to jump in the guest-room?

Why, indeed?

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